Post by jenn on Aug 7, 2019 7:37:10 GMT
This sucks. I honestly feel so dumb, and shouldn’t of been so trusting. Truly I think I’ve lost my touch.
Tonight was a mess. I was spending my day unbothered, telling everyone and anyone who would listen that I was voting Brian. I had a quick call with Brian, to tell him about the idol and just confirm we were voting Duke. He wasn’t very generous with information, even about stuff I knew Jake had told him and told him that I knew about. I don’t know if it was a test or if he was just being coy.
About 30 minutes before tribal, Jake calls me freaking out that they’re voting for him now. He’d told April the plan, April had run back to Ashley, Logan and Duke, and then Jeff took it back to Jake and Brian. How are people still threatened by me when I’m not involved in ANYTHING?! Then I find out about the whole Jeff fiasco, so at this point I’m thinking we either vote out Jeff to save ourselves and the idol, or pray we idol correctly since neither Jeff or the extra vote are any good in a revote. I passed the idol to Jake because I didn’t want the responsibility of playing it and I felt like it would make him feel better. I’m too generous for my own good apparently, but more on that later. Somehow Jake gets April to flip back and vote out Duke, but I don’t think either of us were comfortable hanging our games fate on her flipping, so the idol wasn’t completely wasted. Duke goes, and Brian and Jeff seem content, so I’m finally in an alliance chat that lasted through a vote. Cute.
People were making the rounds afterwards, so Jeff called the group chat but only I answered. I’m glad we got to talk, but what stood out to me was him saying he was happy to finally be on the same page with me because I’ve always scared him or something. I absolutely HATE that I’ve been pigeonholed into this big monster reputation. I hate complaining about it too, because it seems like such a first world problem, but it’s actually the worst and has kind of ruined this game for me. There’s no room to make any moves because I’d just make my target the size of the sun when it’s already a huge bullseye. Logan asks to call me next, and this is where things changed.
He explains that everyone knew about the idol for a while because guess what? Jake told them. He says this round was all planned so that Jake could flush my idol and Jake was switching it to Duke and telling everyone to have all his bases covered (this last bit isn’t surprising, and he’s created a mess because of it). I think he probably said more, but I have a terrible memory and it’s been a few hours since that call. I’m the most mad at myself for all this happening, because I knew I KNEW I didn’t have a close enough ally to tell about the idol and I did it anyway. I’ve been forthcoming about everything I’ve done, or most of anyways, with Jake, and it’s been a one way street. You could say the same too for Ashley and Logan, and I’m not not angry with them, it just hurt my feelings a bit more with Jake.
I considered not bringing it up to him and just playing the game, eventually try and take him out for it, but I wanted answers more than anything. I called Jake to basically confront him, and he explains the following:
1. He was originally threatened by me because of the two wins but then was using me as a shield
2. Cabrera wanted me out over Bodhi but at that point he wanted to keep me (he said April’s name specifically in this)
3. He’s always been close to Logan and has a soft spot for him
4. He lied about even thinking about voting Duke the first round of merge
5. Logan was in on #4 the whole time, voted in the minority on purpose, then played it off like he was mad
6. “Accidentally” told Logan about the idol when I left him on read before the double vote, because he has a big ass mouth and couldn’t wait two seconds to hear what Logan was talking about after he asked if he’d talked to me
7. Lied to me about Brian not giving him the idol clue (side note: the clue is so fucking obvious, the fact that Brian didn’t find it instantly is a miracle and embarrassing)
8. He then told Brian about the idol because he didn’t want Brian to think he had it and didn’t say anything
9. Somehow convinced everyone not to vote for me during the double because I was supposed to leave
10. Only decided last round that he actually wanted to work with me long term (Sean apparently told him how loyal I was to Jay in Endure and that’s what convinced him??)
11. Set it up so I’d basically have to work with Brian this round or be in the minority next round
12. Logan asked April how she was going to make it up to him moving forward after she apologized
13. April and Logan have had a final 2 since like night 1 SHOCKER
So as you can see, a lot. I just put a lot into finding at least one strong ally, so it’s kind of a shitty feeling to find out it wasn’t reciprocated, but I know the game and I should’ve known better. Am I having a pity party tonight? Yes, let me have this. There might’ve been a few tears of frustration, and now I’m up way too late when I need to get up early. I’m so paranoid to trust him now or give him another chance, when I clearly don’t have a good read on what’s happening here. Look, I know it’s the right move to work together with this new group of 4 for one or two votes (hopefully against Ashley and Logan - damn was I wrong about them too) then scoop up a 3 and take out Jake and Brian. If at all possible anyways. But I wouldn’t be happy with myself for doing that and I wouldn’t be happy with a winner in that case. Sue me.
So here’s my official apology for being a dumbass for so long. Loyal, but a dumbass. It’ll probably continue, but at least now I’m self aware lol.
Tonight was a mess. I was spending my day unbothered, telling everyone and anyone who would listen that I was voting Brian. I had a quick call with Brian, to tell him about the idol and just confirm we were voting Duke. He wasn’t very generous with information, even about stuff I knew Jake had told him and told him that I knew about. I don’t know if it was a test or if he was just being coy.
About 30 minutes before tribal, Jake calls me freaking out that they’re voting for him now. He’d told April the plan, April had run back to Ashley, Logan and Duke, and then Jeff took it back to Jake and Brian. How are people still threatened by me when I’m not involved in ANYTHING?! Then I find out about the whole Jeff fiasco, so at this point I’m thinking we either vote out Jeff to save ourselves and the idol, or pray we idol correctly since neither Jeff or the extra vote are any good in a revote. I passed the idol to Jake because I didn’t want the responsibility of playing it and I felt like it would make him feel better. I’m too generous for my own good apparently, but more on that later. Somehow Jake gets April to flip back and vote out Duke, but I don’t think either of us were comfortable hanging our games fate on her flipping, so the idol wasn’t completely wasted. Duke goes, and Brian and Jeff seem content, so I’m finally in an alliance chat that lasted through a vote. Cute.
People were making the rounds afterwards, so Jeff called the group chat but only I answered. I’m glad we got to talk, but what stood out to me was him saying he was happy to finally be on the same page with me because I’ve always scared him or something. I absolutely HATE that I’ve been pigeonholed into this big monster reputation. I hate complaining about it too, because it seems like such a first world problem, but it’s actually the worst and has kind of ruined this game for me. There’s no room to make any moves because I’d just make my target the size of the sun when it’s already a huge bullseye. Logan asks to call me next, and this is where things changed.
He explains that everyone knew about the idol for a while because guess what? Jake told them. He says this round was all planned so that Jake could flush my idol and Jake was switching it to Duke and telling everyone to have all his bases covered (this last bit isn’t surprising, and he’s created a mess because of it). I think he probably said more, but I have a terrible memory and it’s been a few hours since that call. I’m the most mad at myself for all this happening, because I knew I KNEW I didn’t have a close enough ally to tell about the idol and I did it anyway. I’ve been forthcoming about everything I’ve done, or most of anyways, with Jake, and it’s been a one way street. You could say the same too for Ashley and Logan, and I’m not not angry with them, it just hurt my feelings a bit more with Jake.
I considered not bringing it up to him and just playing the game, eventually try and take him out for it, but I wanted answers more than anything. I called Jake to basically confront him, and he explains the following:
1. He was originally threatened by me because of the two wins but then was using me as a shield
2. Cabrera wanted me out over Bodhi but at that point he wanted to keep me (he said April’s name specifically in this)
3. He’s always been close to Logan and has a soft spot for him
4. He lied about even thinking about voting Duke the first round of merge
5. Logan was in on #4 the whole time, voted in the minority on purpose, then played it off like he was mad
6. “Accidentally” told Logan about the idol when I left him on read before the double vote, because he has a big ass mouth and couldn’t wait two seconds to hear what Logan was talking about after he asked if he’d talked to me
7. Lied to me about Brian not giving him the idol clue (side note: the clue is so fucking obvious, the fact that Brian didn’t find it instantly is a miracle and embarrassing)
8. He then told Brian about the idol because he didn’t want Brian to think he had it and didn’t say anything
9. Somehow convinced everyone not to vote for me during the double because I was supposed to leave
10. Only decided last round that he actually wanted to work with me long term (Sean apparently told him how loyal I was to Jay in Endure and that’s what convinced him??)
11. Set it up so I’d basically have to work with Brian this round or be in the minority next round
12. Logan asked April how she was going to make it up to him moving forward after she apologized
13. April and Logan have had a final 2 since like night 1 SHOCKER
So as you can see, a lot. I just put a lot into finding at least one strong ally, so it’s kind of a shitty feeling to find out it wasn’t reciprocated, but I know the game and I should’ve known better. Am I having a pity party tonight? Yes, let me have this. There might’ve been a few tears of frustration, and now I’m up way too late when I need to get up early. I’m so paranoid to trust him now or give him another chance, when I clearly don’t have a good read on what’s happening here. Look, I know it’s the right move to work together with this new group of 4 for one or two votes (hopefully against Ashley and Logan - damn was I wrong about them too) then scoop up a 3 and take out Jake and Brian. If at all possible anyways. But I wouldn’t be happy with myself for doing that and I wouldn’t be happy with a winner in that case. Sue me.
So here’s my official apology for being a dumbass for so long. Loyal, but a dumbass. It’ll probably continue, but at least now I’m self aware lol.