Post by jenn on Aug 15, 2019 5:03:06 GMT
Buckle in folks. This will be a long one. I’ve never had to do this before, or even if people do this, but I know I won’t sleep until I get these thoughts out.
So the Trifecta will have to wait. Trying not to get too down on myself about that, especially coming into jury and hearing I had a couple votes.
But here’s the thing: I hope whoever is reading this has gone through all of what I’ve written and recorded. I hope the jury feels dumb and that the Final 4 feels worse. The truth of the matter is that I didn’t play any differently really from how people are perceiving April and Jeff. I somehow ended up with a huge target throughout the game and couldn’t shake it. It’s awkward to complain about it, but it why I appreciate Sean so much, because he could see it. He didn’t need to vote for me for it, and I would’ve loved if he could’ve just worked with me long term in game instead of scaring me off by saying he would cut me eventually.
He asked me when I got to jury:
“Did you feel like people gave you a real shot at playing or do you think you were boxed out from the beginning?”
Honestly, I felt 100% boxed out from the beginning. I’m a slow burn regardless, and having that extra information float around pretty early just stunted anything I wanted to do. I’m fully aware I was reliant on Jake too much, but I felt I had no other option. If I tried to move away from that or try to pull something off, I’d only increase the target I had on my back and be good as dead before the next challenge even happened. From the joint tribal council to the first merge vote, I had no chance at surviving unless I was immune. There were days on end where it would be silent because no one would talk to me and then I’d be brought a plan at the last minute and had to go with whoever included me.
I know I’m throwing myself a pity party, but I’m just frustrated with myself more than anything. I’m frustrated that I couldn’t be happier with the game I played, and I’m frustrated with myself for feeling like I made friends in Jake and Brian when now I’m not sure I did.
I don’t understand Brian’s gameplay in terms of his interactions with me this round, and while it was easiest to talk to Jake, I know that relationship isn’t unique because everyone feels that way about their relationship with him. I guess that’s a good thing about his game, from a Survivor standpoint, but I play to make friends first and foremost. That sounds shitty, but most of these games don’t even have a prize, and the few close friends I have made out of these games are better than any of the wins I’ve gotten (shoutout Nick). So yeah, I’m a little hurt at his vote. I was hoping his ego was big enough to not care about sitting with me at the end, but I guess people get greedy or tunnel vision or scared. I am and always will be of the mindset that if you can’t get up and defend your game against anyone, why bother? I’m not talking Woo taking Tony, I’m talking loyalty to the people you are okay with seeing win over yourself.
But back to this game, I’m over crying about these people, I’m over wasting my data on them, I’m over wasting friendship bracelets to people who don’t deserve them. I’m definitely going to have some speeches prepared no matter who ends up in the end, though the petty side of me would like to see Jake out next. If it doesn’t happen that way, I’ll put on my big girl panties and red lipstick, and cast a vote for who I think played the best game, regardless of any bitter feelings.
I see it as either Jake was in on it the whole time, in which damn dude, have a heart, or Brian tipped him off last minute and he didn’t want to vote in minority. I was surprised to see that the jury isn’t as pro Brian as I thought, I was convinced he’d walk away with it against anyone, but I guess people don’t really care about story arc.
All in all, getting voted out sucks. Jake, Brian, Jeff and April suck. I plan to not to do this again.
So the Trifecta will have to wait. Trying not to get too down on myself about that, especially coming into jury and hearing I had a couple votes.
But here’s the thing: I hope whoever is reading this has gone through all of what I’ve written and recorded. I hope the jury feels dumb and that the Final 4 feels worse. The truth of the matter is that I didn’t play any differently really from how people are perceiving April and Jeff. I somehow ended up with a huge target throughout the game and couldn’t shake it. It’s awkward to complain about it, but it why I appreciate Sean so much, because he could see it. He didn’t need to vote for me for it, and I would’ve loved if he could’ve just worked with me long term in game instead of scaring me off by saying he would cut me eventually.
He asked me when I got to jury:
“Did you feel like people gave you a real shot at playing or do you think you were boxed out from the beginning?”
Honestly, I felt 100% boxed out from the beginning. I’m a slow burn regardless, and having that extra information float around pretty early just stunted anything I wanted to do. I’m fully aware I was reliant on Jake too much, but I felt I had no other option. If I tried to move away from that or try to pull something off, I’d only increase the target I had on my back and be good as dead before the next challenge even happened. From the joint tribal council to the first merge vote, I had no chance at surviving unless I was immune. There were days on end where it would be silent because no one would talk to me and then I’d be brought a plan at the last minute and had to go with whoever included me.
I know I’m throwing myself a pity party, but I’m just frustrated with myself more than anything. I’m frustrated that I couldn’t be happier with the game I played, and I’m frustrated with myself for feeling like I made friends in Jake and Brian when now I’m not sure I did.
I don’t understand Brian’s gameplay in terms of his interactions with me this round, and while it was easiest to talk to Jake, I know that relationship isn’t unique because everyone feels that way about their relationship with him. I guess that’s a good thing about his game, from a Survivor standpoint, but I play to make friends first and foremost. That sounds shitty, but most of these games don’t even have a prize, and the few close friends I have made out of these games are better than any of the wins I’ve gotten (shoutout Nick). So yeah, I’m a little hurt at his vote. I was hoping his ego was big enough to not care about sitting with me at the end, but I guess people get greedy or tunnel vision or scared. I am and always will be of the mindset that if you can’t get up and defend your game against anyone, why bother? I’m not talking Woo taking Tony, I’m talking loyalty to the people you are okay with seeing win over yourself.
But back to this game, I’m over crying about these people, I’m over wasting my data on them, I’m over wasting friendship bracelets to people who don’t deserve them. I’m definitely going to have some speeches prepared no matter who ends up in the end, though the petty side of me would like to see Jake out next. If it doesn’t happen that way, I’ll put on my big girl panties and red lipstick, and cast a vote for who I think played the best game, regardless of any bitter feelings.
I see it as either Jake was in on it the whole time, in which damn dude, have a heart, or Brian tipped him off last minute and he didn’t want to vote in minority. I was surprised to see that the jury isn’t as pro Brian as I thought, I was convinced he’d walk away with it against anyone, but I guess people don’t really care about story arc.
All in all, getting voted out sucks. Jake, Brian, Jeff and April suck. I plan to not to do this again.
